You and Your Chaos

Many of you reading this live very busy and stressful daily lives, much like myself.  I have three little children (and one big one named husband), that in itself means my day is never ending.  On top of that I am trying to start my own Reiki practice (because apparently I wasn’t busy enough!).  Running a household and taking care of little children is obviously taxing, exhausting, depleting, etc.  I think at this point I am supposed to insert some sort of gratitude for having my family so I don’t sound like a complete a-hole, but moms, you know what I mean!  I think many women get to a point where the adrenaline of life wears off and the constant, busy routine becomes utterly unfulfilling and overwhelming … constantly thinking about what’s in the fridge for dinner, what do I need to pick up at the store, who has a birthday party this weekend, what day swimming lessons are, did my husband fix the lawnmower, what do we do with the kids if it’s raining this weekend … IT NEVER STOPS!!!  At this point we start to believe that "if I can just keep my head a float until that “big change” happens (ie, the kids are older, get new job or win the lottery), then everything will be alright and I’ll get my life back."  Just an FYI: that sudden “big break” ain’t happen’n!!  Stop looking/waiting for something external to change things for you.  The only change that is going to happen is the one you are going to make.  “What can I do?” “I am having enough trouble staying a float that I don’t have time to make such a change!”  If this is you saying these things plus a few more added excuses in order to convince yourself you can’t do it, then you might as well stop reading (sorry, I don’t do well with whiners).  The only thing that is going to change your life is YOU … YOU have the power to change your crazy, chaotic, stressful life just by making yourself stop.  By making the time to stop for just 5 minutes a day, will change your world.  Don’t believe me?  Try it and then tell me I am wrong.  And if you really think that I was born so calm, cool and collected, well that’s another story!  I am speaking from experience; it takes a little change and a lot of determination to stick with it.

Meditating teaches you not only how to relax, but how to stop attracting chaos into your life.  If you are anything like me (determined, independent, maybe a little stubborn … maybe) then you are great at keeping the chaos of your life organized and managed.  But by putting up with the chaos, you keep it going, you are fueling it (yes I know these are hard words to hear, especially if you are a wee bit stubborn).  Meditating allows you to clear your mind which in turn teaches you how unimportant most of what you think about all day really is.  A typical woman will be able to do six things at the same time: fold laundry, while running back and forth into the kitchen cooking dinner, constantly thinking about her “to do” list for the next day, all while watching TV as an attempt to convince herself she was having some sort of quiet time before the kids come back inside to ask for a snack.  I bet 90% of you are smiling thinking “ya, that is totally me!”.  Now re-read that sentence and realize how exhausting it was just to read it, let alone to live it … and we do that every day, all day ... then wonder why we are tired by 8pm!!  Law of Attraction: if I constantly have chaos running through my head, I will therefore have constant chaos in my life.  And remember, organized chaos is still chaos!!  How many of you just had an “Ah Ha” moment?  Because logically it makes sense.   But for some reason we have taught ourselves that to simplify something (sitting down quietly for 5mins) could not possibly be the answer, so we don’t even bother trying.  And please remember, I am talking completely from experience … I did not believe it either!  Once you make meditation a regular part of your routine, and your mind slowly starts to quiet more and more throughout the day, you will be able to get more done because life in general will start to seem easier, quieter and simpler. 

Think about this from another point of view.  Some of us try to use external factors to quiet our over-active minds (especially before bed when some people simply cannot turn their brains off in order to fall asleep).  We “reward” ourselves and try to relax by having too much wine after the kids go to bed, or sneak a sugar fix to keep ourselves going in the afternoon, or by stepping outside to have a smoke because we deserve a 10 minute break.  I myself am guilty of ALL of the above.  Even though I was never a full time smoker, I was always able to justify sneaking one here and there just to get outside away from the kids.  But because we are so desperate to calm ourselves down as quickly as possible, we do these things in excess.  All this does is leave us hungover while dealing with the kids the next morning, and feeling fat and bloated because we pigged out on junk food before going to bed … which is a perfect recipe for a lovely start to the day, said no one ever!!  The smoking is what really gets me.  People have time to go out for a smoke because they so desperately need to have a break, escape and get some fresh air for a few minutes, but they can’t be bothered to take a few minutes to meditate.  I mean, take away the cigarette from the smoke break and you’re practically meditating already … deep inhaling and exhaling promotes relaxation (with or without the smoke), trying not to think about working and the kids for a minute (just clearing your mind) and simply going outside in and of itself is a great way to relax for a minute away from the daily grind.  So what’s the point of the cigarette again?  We get so caught up in life that we end up doing everything bass-ackwards!!  Once you realize the real reason you are having that cigarette, that extra 4 glasses of wine and the chocolate bar followed by a bag of chips, you will slowly stop wanting them because these silly habits we have, suddenly become rendered useless.  And please do not think I am advocating for you to never drink or have dessert again.  Anything in moderation is great … trust me, if I did not have my wine I would be sitting in a corner somewhere making paper dolls and talking to pink elephants!!   But this chaos driven life has caused us to think that over-indulging in these vices will help us relax and do better coping.  All it’s doing is perpetuating the chaos and unhappiness.  Do you see how you are unconsciously adding to the chaos in your own life?  Do you see how easy it is to change?  Yes it will take work, but it’s still a simple fix.

Then there is the matter of those life problems that you rack your brain over while in the shower, or doing dishes, or driving, etc.  Thinking about how much your dumbass husband pissed you off last night, while you’re in the shower shaving your legs is not a great way to sort out your marital problems.  But it is a great way to gouge yourself and draw blood; causing you to get even more mad at your husband, yourself and your poor razor!  As your mind quiets with routine meditation, the negative mental chatter we constantly engage in with ourselves happens less and less.  Soon you won’t be thinking angry things about your husband while shaving, so you won’t draw blood and you will get out of the shower in a better mood, ready to start the day!  The lack of negative thoughts leaves room for positive ones … and what type of a mood do you think that’s going to leave you in?  That doesn’t mean that your husband is not a dumbass.  It just means there is nothing you can do about the issue while he is at work and you are in the shower.  So why get yourself all riled up and stressed about it?  Doing that perpetuates the situation by causing you to act like a complete witch when he does get home, instead of a wife who is just angry at her husband (not to mention how cranky you were with the kids before he even got home!).  With positive, quieter thoughts, those life problems seem to naturally melt away from your mind and work themselves out.    

So take control of the little things in your life, stop contributing to the chaos and let it go!!  Make yourself stop thinking about it … yes this actually takes purposeful effort, but with practice you will be able to do it and it is well worth it!!  If you have any advice or tips that worked for you, please share them in a comment ... what worked for you may work wonders for someone else!

PS, I apologize to all the men reading this blog.  I am quite aware of the fact that I completely wrote this from a woman/mommy point of view ... but I really was trying to write directly from my own experiences :)